There’s a saying about the journey being more fun than the destination. If you’re including travelling by air it couldn’t be further from the truth. Never mind logistics and trying to get to a major hub if you live in a small city off the beaten jet path, lets get right to our favorite part of flying anywhere. Security.

I know, I know, I should have known better but WTF? Once again I lost my tube of hair gel from my carry-on because it was too big. And this is only flying from Windsor to Toronto…like some budding terrorist is just waiting to announce himself to the world by taking down a thirty passenger puddle jumper. And apparently they’d need more than a small tube to do the job right.

Anyone who knows me understands how I hate stupid rules. So I had to ask the security dude – if you are making us check our carry-ons along with our other bags in the cargo hold (lack of room on the plane) then why did you toss my gel? “Rules” the little wannabe cop said. This is a secure area (metal dectectors and xrays). I didn’t care if he saw me roll my eyes at his response and couldn’t understand why he didn’t appreciate my comments about taking down the plane with hair gel.

So, after they searched all my cavities and uncuffed me I walked a further ten feet to the snack bar where you can purchase all sorts of bottles full of liquids that must have been expertly inspected before they are allowed to sell them to you. I’m sure McGuyver could whip up a bomb with a bottle of coke if he wanted to. Okay I’ll stop.

After recovering overnight in Toronto, we got to go through the whole process again – because I could have bought another over-sized gel. I kept my mouth shut this time to avoid missing our connecting flight. I bit my tongue when they flagged my lap top and the bag it was in for closer inspection. I wondered if that little fucker in Windsor had flagged me. Turns out they wanted to swab my stuff and yes, I had to ask why. She didn’t know, just following orders I was told. I assumed drugs and explosives…cause you always hear of people bringing that kind of shit INTO Mexico.

Finally, I got to relax in my airplane seat that was designed for someone half my size. I’m no longer embarrassed asking for a seat belt extension but acting on Cathryn’s suggestion I kept the one supplied to me for future use. Why bother asking every time. Ignoring the chick talking safety, I fiddled with my air control and reading light buttons. I politely waited for her to finish telling us how to survive in the case of a water landing, before I pointed out my seat defects. No problem, she said, everything would be reset upon take off. Not.

Since I couldn’t read in the dark, and we didn’t have any monitors in front of us, I eagerly waited for the little TV screens of fall from the ceiling. Not. Cathryn fiddled with her iPad and found that there was WiFi on the plane…you just had to have the Air Canada App downloaded and then they’d happily take $8.50 an hour from you to use it. She was happy though cause she had pre-selected a diabetic meal. Sorry. There were no free meals and we had to buy whatever we wanted to eat.

Man I love flying. Glad the destination is working out.

rr